Shiroi Kiku no Hanabira
by Rori-san
Summary: White Chrysanthemum Petals" Hotohori’s thoughts at the end of the war between Konan and Kutou.


***SPOILER ALERT*:** You have been warned.

**A/N:** Fushigi Yuugi and its characters are the creation of Yuu Watase. I do not claim ownership of them. This fan-fiction focuses on Hotohori's thoughts at the end of the war between Konan and Kutou.

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Kutou: country of the East, the country of Seiryuu.

Konan: country of the South, the country of Suzaku.

Suzaku: Phoenix god of the South.

miko: priestess.

seishi: heir, successor. In this case, an inheritor of one of the seven symbols of Suzaku.

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**Shiroi Kiku no Hanabira**

_("White Chrysanthemum Petals": it is a Japanese custom to display white or yellow chrysanthemums at funerals out of respect for the deceased.)_

And, so, it has all come to this.

My kingdom: ravaged by war; my subjects: disheartened and desperate. The land stretching before me is a desolate waste and Kutou's troops are as incessant as a merciless flood, attempting to crush Konan's forces and usurp its throne. Only a miracle from Suzaku will save us. Without our Miko, we cannot summon him.

When I was still just the heir to the throne, my tutor would read from "The Universe of the Four Gods". My destiny had been explained to me by the court astrologer: the symbol on my throat marked me as one of the Suzaku Seishi, Hotohori; this mark proved that the Priestess of Suzaku would come in my lifetime. In a time when the country of Konan was in dire need, she would appear to grant the wishes of our land and protect us from invasion.

My fate cannot be escaped, nor do I wish it so. I wish only for the peace and prosperity of my kingdom.

There was a time when I wished for more, most of all for the Miko's love. "The Universe of the Four Gods" told of a brave young woman, one vibrant and strong, yet gentle, kind, loving. I knew she would appear during my reign, it was only a matter of time. I felt drawn to her before she even existed and I tried to shape her image in my mind; I felt a kinship and a love that cannot be fully explained. This woman would be my equal, not some groveling servant or flirting courtesan.

And then Miaka appeared in Konan. She was as I had expected, but even more so. I felt attracted to her as if she were a precious jade: something so fragile and beautiful. She was something to marvel at and to safeguard. I knew her as I'd never known another soul, as if I'd known her all of my life and had had all of my life to fall in love with her. Nothing could satisfy my desire to make her my own.

Yet, she had allowed Tamahome to lay claim to her heart, something that, despite turmoil and distance, she could not forsake. I admired their love as much as I envied it. I tried to force her to take my hand, to become my empress and forget Tamahome. He could never offer her the life she deserved, I told myself. But I was a fool. Regardless of the hardships they endured, I could not separate those two.

It was from Miaka that I learned that true love is not something you can command. True love commands you to do its bidding.

However, I did experience Miaka's love, if not in the manner I'd hoped for. She loved me as no other person I'd known, for she'd loved me for the person I am. She never loved with the guarded adoration of a subject for her emperor.

Her presence in Konan also allowed me to fight for a cause. I was no longer forced to sit upon my throne and deal with the monotony of daily bureaucracy. I could fight as a Suzaku Seishi, fight for the people that I ruled instead of being a political tool to my advisors.

These memories overtake the searing pain I feel as I lie here on the battleground, broken, unable to move. Chichiri kneels at my side, wiping my brow and begging me to hold on, that a healer is being summoned, just to hold on a few more minutes. I smile at him faintly, at his loyalty and concern for me.

Yes, I was told that the Suzaku no Miko would come during my reign, to save my kingdom and guarantee the endurance of Konan's sovereignty. I do not doubt the prophecy. I only wish I could live to see it through, to be there when Miaka summons Suzaku. Though, it was never foretold that I would see that day. I have faith in her success because she is the woman I have loved more than any other in the world. I am only sorry I cannot thank her for her sacrifice. I pray Suzaku finds my own sacrifice worthy to his cause.

For Houki, the mother of my child, I pray to Suzaku for her strength in the uncertain times to come. I regret that I will not see my heir in this lifetime, but I will certainly watch over my wife and my child with as much devotion as any proud husband and father would. Houki, you have stood beside me through much difficulty, loving me despite my faults and never jealous of my preoccupations with Miaka. In you I found my empress and my strength to continue on as a leader for my people. I trust you will continue to be a pillar of strength and nobility for the citizens of Konan and for our child.

The wounds I have endured this day are crying for relief. My time has ended. My reign, my life. The sun is setting on my existence. I hear the pleas of Chichiri and my soldiers growing fainter as the shadows lengthen.

A red light is emerging before me, warm and comforting. It envelopes me as tears of sorrow and joy mingle together, tracing the curves of my cheeks. I wish Miaka a final farewell and slip into the benevolent glow.

The future is now in the Miko's hands.


End file.
